What the fuck?!Īnd the game's not hard it's actually really easy, but it's so broken, and glitchy, and weird, and you're swinging your arms around li-like crazy, and th-then, then. I emptied a total of four machine guns, and hit nothing. Like here, I picked up some machine guns, so of course I'm going to switch to them, but look! They don't hit anything! And I die! And I'm only fighting two guys. "Chase down the Ghost Ass-assin." You run around smashin' the trigger buttons as fast as you can while Drake swings his arms around and hopefully hits the targets. So anyway, now we're onto the first actual level of the game.
Nerd: (his own lips barely moving) Oh, and the lips barely move, so I can never tell if they're actually talking, or it's some kind of inner monologue. Master: "This theft can't be Tang's doing alone! He must have aid from beyond this world!" So then Drake runs in and does absolutely nothing, while some ninja ghost Grim Reaper guy steal some kryptonite, and then more awful voice acting. A soul? W-what was that? Intruders in the penthouse of the 99 Dragons Clan?! You must be out of this world to get past our guards!" This is where the voice acting gets real good.ĭrake: ". The slightest movement of the control pad makes his arms flail all over the place! Why would they do that?! I understand the game was developed under a very short time, but somebody had to pop this in at least ONCE and say "This controls like ass." So, after jumping around, shooting at nothing for a minute, you finally kill the first bad guy and get another awkward cutscene. This is two years into the Xbox's life, and this was the best they could do?īut ooh boy, let me tell ya, I haven't even started playing yet, so let's pick up the Duke here, this big-ass tank fuckin' controller, and let's get started. Then you see the cutscenes, which look atrocious. It's a shame, because the artwork is actually kinda cool! It has a Saturday morning animation or indie comic vibe to it. At least I think that's what it is, because it's blurry as fuck! Seriously! Did they do that on purpose?! Maybe they wanted to blur the logo, so nobody would know they had anything to do with this miserable manifestation of demon semen and Reese's feces. The first thing you see after the game boots up is the Majesco logo.
#GIANTBOMB DRAKE OF THE 99 DRAGONS MOVIE#
This game is what you get if somebody ate every badass dual-pistol wielding, trench coat-wearing late '90s action movie cliché, then barfed it out, ate the barf, and then dumped their ass into a piss-and-shit-stained bus station toilet, and then they took that rancid concoction, and somehow printed Xbox discs made out of it! 99 Dragons, made out of 99 percent bullshit! This game was supposed to spawn a comic book series and a TV show, kinda like Cheetahmen, but it was so shitty, it faded into obscurity.
And this is one that I've gotten tons of requests for, and I've been dreading the day when this game is old enough for me to review.ĭrake of the 99 Dragons. I've just been meditating to summon the power of the Chosen One to give me the patience and the courage. Drake of the 99 Dragons - Angry Video Game Nerd Episode 158